You’re What’s Wrong with Your Dating Life; Not Hookup Culture: Part 1

You’re What’s Wrong with Your Dating Life; Not Hookup Culture: Part 1

As I wrote this piece, it became a lot longer than I anticipated. So this has turned into a multi-part post. I plan to explore this issue completely, and then propose what I think the real issue is with modern dating. Here’s part 1:

Anybody who spends more than five minutes on social media knows that there is a hoard of unhappy singles that won’t hesitate to share the most recent meme or thought piece from Elite Daily, that is “so totally me!” or “so true tho”. Everybody has their reason for their jaded outlook on dating, but the most common denominator is the looming boogie man of “hookup culture”.

Whether it’s contempt for Netflix and Chill (which I’ve honestly never heard somebody use seriously unless it’s attacking the idea), Tinder, or condemning social media while grandstanding via social media, young people will never get enough of hating the current dating landscape for not catering to their preferences. I’m worried I might go blind if I see another article attacking hookup culture because my eyes will fall out of their sockets from rolling so hard.

Hookup Culture Has ALWAYS Been a Thing

Let’s start with “Netflix and Chill”. Why does everybody think that people meeting up to watch a movie as a front for sex is some new phenomenon? Ever since teenagers have had the freedom to choose their partners, this has been a thing!

Go back as far as the 50s, everybody’s Golden Age of Romance, teens went to the drive-in theater, Make Out Point (or whatever their variant was in their neighborhood). Do you think they cared about the grainy film or the “breathtaking view”? No! Don’t be naïve, teens just wanted an excuse to get in each others pants! Just because there wasn’t a silly term like “drive-in and chill” doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

The only difference between the 50s and now? Sex education beyond abstinence was a joke and single mothers were social pariah since there was living, breathing, proof that they had sex outside of wedlock. If Jane from down the block got knocked up, there were very little choices outside of a shotgun wedding. Spare me this narrative that all young people were morally sound in previous generations. They weren’t much different from the modern day millennial; they just cared more about covering up what was considered taboo.

Previous generations weren’t morally superior than today’s, at least not when they were young people. They were just better at covering up their shortcomings. If you don’t believe me, just a quick Google search of teen pregnancy rates from 1950 to the present day should back up my claim (I won’t go into the logistics of how many pregnancies from the 1950s were legitimately within wedlock, that’s another can of worms entirely).

Closing Thoughts

Before we continue in part 2, I’m not advocating for excessive sex and multiple partners, I’m just advocating for choice. Most people that know me know I’m pretty old fashioned myself, but I won’t for a second pretend that the dating landscape is a unique product of my generation. Rather, I will do my part as a single male to be a positive participant of modern dating. Complaining won’t make a difference.

Tune in for part 2 when I take on dating apps!

Yeezons Greetings! On Kanye West, This Generations Most Misunderstood Star

Kanye West is poised to release So Help Me God, Swish, Waves, The Life of Pablo his 7th full-length album at any moment now. In celebration of the producer/rapper’s illustrious 11 year career (fun fact, College Dropout celebrated its 11th birthday yesterday), I want to explore how we discuss Kanye, his life, and his music. Whenever his music comes up in conversation, one person will say something loosely based off this statement:

“I love Kanye’s music, but I can’t stand his personality.”

If you would have asked me what I thought of the MC a couple years ago, I probably would have said something similar, and it’s not to say this opinion is unprovoked. However, I’ve grown to take issue with it; it’s too easy to dismiss Kanye as just megalomaniac that craves the spotlight. About a month ago I stumble upon a video of positive Kanye moments that lead me to take a second look at Kanye and his music.

Dr. West & Mr. Yeezy

If you watched any portion of either of those videos I shared above, you’re probably asking the same question I did: Why does Kanye seem to have two very opposed personalities, and why does he make the negative one so public? Without a direct link into Kanye’s inner thoughts, there is no way we come to a definitive answer. Fortunately for us, we have the next best thing: his body of musical work (I’ll talk about this more in a bit). Based off of what I’ve listened to, I don’t believe Kanye is a cocky man, I think he’s insecure.

Unpacking the Music

I know it’s borderline outlandish to make that claim about the most egotistical celebrity of our time, but hear me out. If we listen to Kanye’s music, there is a lot we can learn about his life at the time, and how he developed as a person. In the interest of time, these are the major highlights of what I take away from listening to his music catalogue:

  • Spaceship on “College Dropout” – Like many Millenials, Kanye went through the frustration of working a 9-5 job, doing something as menial as folding shirts while feeling like he was worth much more than that.
  • School Spirit (skits included) on “College Dropout” – Later on in the album, Kanye arrives to the conclusion that the American Dream he has been sold was a lie. Rather than staying in his lane, he decides to go off the beaten path and pursue his goal of listening to the very album that this series of songs ends up on.
  • Through the Wire on “College Dropout” – After suffering a severe jaw injury in a car accident, Kanye had to have his jaw wired shut. He ended up creating this song and performing it while his jaw was wired shut.
  • Gold Digger on “Late Registration” – One year after his debut on, Kanye gained fame, fortune, and a little bit of notoriety. This prideful yet paranoid song is about his awareness of people (namely women) that are only interested in him because of his accolades, not him.
  • Can’t Afford No Gas/We Broke/Imposter (skits) on “Late Registration” – These skits are a dedication to the “elite” fraternity of broke men he was part of while growing up. The climactic end of the skit comes to head when the leader of Phi Broke discovers that Kanye was faking poor, thus shunning him.
  • Welcome to Heartbreak on “808s and Heartbreak” – Losing his mother (which he blames himself for) in 2007 and breaking off his first engagement in 2008, Kanye released his album of love ballads (and my personal favorite) “808s and Heartbreaks”. The second song on the album “Welcome to Heartbreak” features Kanye lamenting, feeling like he’s wasted his life in favor of a successful career and luxury.
  • Paranoid on “808s and Heartbreak” – As the title suggests, the song is all about an unnamed woman in Kanye’s life (presumably his ex) and the paranoia she experiences in their relationship.
  • Gorgeous on “MBDTF” – More than a year removed from the South Park episode that featured the “Kanye is a gay fish” joke, Kanye dropped the line “Chock a south park writer with a fish stick,” being just one of many examples of Kanye holding a grudge over something seemingly harmless.
  • Runaway on “MBDTF” – This song fits in with the rest of the “808s and Heartbreak” album. A song about an unnamed love interest (likely Amber Rose, who he was dating around the release of this album) has to deal with the headache of an imperfect Kanye as a love interest. His best advice to the woman is to stay away from him to avoid heartbreak and disappointment.
  • Lost in the World on “MBDTF” – The initial series of pairings on Kanye’s first verse is actually a poem that Kanye wrote for his now wife Kim Kardashian, noting the importance of the good and the bad in this relationship. While he was dating Amber Rose at the time, the pairings are suggesting that Kanye is torn when deciding whether he should pursue this relationship or not.

Making Sense of it All

Alright, we’ve got this complete mess of songs that cover a wide range of subjects, everything from love, success, and a hatred for working at the GAP. The most common theme that is consistent in all of his albums is a mistrust of relationships. In “Late Registration” he feels betrayed by lewd women and the people he grew up with once he tasted success. In “808s and Heartbreak” he feels betrayed by past lovers and to an extent himself for trading those few positive relationships for his success. And on “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” he blames himself for all the messes he’s made throughout his career.

When I see Kanye get involved in a seemingly petty argument, I see a man who is acting out of defense. He’s said in an interview “You know when somebody calls you crazy enough times you start to believe it? I almost got scared of the idea of going crazy.” That quote reads to me like a man who internalizes every piece of criticism he ever receives, and then believes it to be personal (need I delve into the twitter feud with Wiz Khalifa?). It only makes sense that he would lash out and try to prove even the slightest insult wrong. I’ve come to respect celebrities that are public about their flaws, because who doesn’t have flaws? It’s the flaws in us all that make us relatable, not the monumental achievements.

Kanye’s Pursuit of Happiness

The one thing Kanye has wanted throughout his whole music career is to have a sense of belonging. “Welcome to Heartbreak” is the perfect example of illustrating this point. Just think about this, there was a moment in your life where one of the world’s most famous people was probably jealous of your humble life with a stable family. Isn’t that pretty crazy?

Today, Kanye has finally found that happiness that I think we’re all deserving of. Say what you will about Kim Kardashian, but Kanye found somebody to love, and if you ask this armchair psychologist, I think they look genuinely happy together

. At the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be loved? Good for Kanye that he could find that missing piece in his life.

Obligatory Welcome Blog Post

If you’re reading this, welcome to my blog! Short intro, I’m 23, living in Seattle and I often clutter my friends new feeds with grandstanding. So what better way to grandstand than make my own blog to write down my thoughts and publish them for the world to see? I don’t know how many people will end up reading this, but here we are, I hope you enjoy your stay.

About Open Mic Thoughts

I ended up settling upon the title “Open Mic Thoughts” for this blog. Think about the tradition of Open Mic Nights, it’s an opportunity for amateurs from all walks of life to sing, read poetry, and perform, usually in varying degrees of a blaze of glory. This blog is my own personal Open Mic Night, and the performers are whatever thoughts I happen to have at the time. Anybody who has had any interaction with me (online or otherwise) knows that I have long-winded, verbose opinions. Readers can expect to find a little bit of everything, including:

  • General Millennial Musings (Unique Right?!)
  • Football Opinions
  • Music Reviews
  • Movie Reviews
  • Sanity Checks on the Latest Outrage
  • Whatever I Want to Talk About At The Time

Basically, if you’re one of the rare people who can’t get their fill of the average 23 year old male’s opinion on [INSERT TRENDING TOPIC HERE]. Then you’ve come to the right place!

What I’m Hoping for from People Who Read This Blog

I post my opinions so they can be challenged. So please, if you become a reader of this blog, call me out if I’m off base on an opinion! I want to be challenged, and I want to challenge you. If you see a topic that you’d like me to weigh in on, let me know, the more ideas people send me, the better!

A Disclaimer about Me

I don’t think I have all the answers, and I won’t pretend like I do. In all seriousness, unless it involves the Seahawks, movies, or A Song of Ice and Fire trivia, I probably have very few educated answers. When I post, I’m working through my understanding of a topic. I want people to engage. I won’t come with hostility; I’m coming from a place to better learn your viewpoint of the topic. Hopefully we can teach each other something new!